This morning, I am taking advantage of the fact that two of my kids were up by 6:30, they in turn woke up the third child. Because everyone was up early, their Daddy took them all for breakfast with him and gave me the morning off. This is a huge deal for me right now! I am currently almost 39 weeks pregnant and if I don't have my little guy in the next 48 hours, I will be induced on Monday morning.
Holy cow! I will be bringing home a fourth child in less than a week! Whose idea was this?! Am I really responsible enough to take care of four kids?!!?
We have been doing what we can to get the house ready and organized to add another baby. We have been trying, really trying to take better control of our finances. We have done everything that I know we have done everything we know how to do BUT ARE WE REALLY READY? Bringing a sixth person into our two bedroom house is really scary. We have always had intentions to finish our upstairs and make three or four more rooms up there but as we all know, that takes money. Money that is not easy to come up with when we are taking care of 6 people on one income. My husband is amazing and works his rear end off to support us but his job is salary so really, no matter how hard he works at it, the pay doesn't change. Raises are few and far between the last few years too. We have talked about me going back to work in a few months but paying for daycare isn't an option. I would have to work evenings and I'm really not sure about that, Norvin has never had to be in charge of our kids for more than an hour or 2 while they were infants. He wouldn't be able to call me away from work to stop the baby from crying. So, for now, it is what it is. We are a six person family in a two bedroom home.
The key work here is home. We are happy together here. There are a lot of people that are much worse off than we are. We have a roof over our head, granted it needs replaced but it is there. We have heat that costs way too much, but we are warm. We all have beds to sleep in. We have food to eat. We have vehicles to drive, it would be nice if gas quit going up, but we have the vehicles when we need them. My husband has a great job with a boss that is not a jerk, but his friend. My children have more toys and clothes than needed by a family twice our size. We have friends, lots of them. We have a wonderful church that God has given us to go to and praise him with our fellow believers. My children go to an amazing school where they are able to learn about and praise God daily. We have an amazing extended family that consists of more than just family, they are some of our closest friends. We are blessed!
I am leaving now to spend some much needed time with my girlfriends. One is having a Pampered Chef Party with another friend who is the consultant. They both know I can't buy much but they don't care. They love me for me and I am happy to be able to go hang out with them for an hour or two.
So, in a few days we will find out if I really can handle 4 kids. I know God won't give me more than I can handle so although I do question, I know he will guide me through this transition and that some day our house will be finished. Until then, I will have FAITH.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, October 8, 2010
Today is a new day...
After writing all of that out yesterday, a lot of crying, and some prayer, I am feeling a little better today. I have group Bible study today, I know that will help me too. I'm sure that a lot of my problem right now is exhaustion and horomones. The problem with that, is that it is going to get worse before it gets better. I know how demanding a newborn is and with a 1 year old to care for as well, it is going to be tough. I was depressed after my second child was born and I REALLY don't want to go through that again. It lasted way too long! I had her in February and was still suffering from post partum depression when my best friend announced she and her family (who where my neighbors at the time) were moving 5 hours away. That drug on until after they moved in November. Hopefully that is not going to happen again but of course, I fear the worst. For know, I am going to look on the bright side and take my days one at a time. Hopefully there will be more good days than bad!
Lord, please help to always try to find the good in my life. I know that you will not give me more than I can handle. I am your child and I know you want nothing but the best for me and my family. Please help me to remember that as I go through the next few months of pregnancy and endless Dr. appointments. Oh, and Lord, if you could try to control my hormones a little more, I would greatly appreciate it! In Jesus name I pray, Amen
Lord, please help to always try to find the good in my life. I know that you will not give me more than I can handle. I am your child and I know you want nothing but the best for me and my family. Please help me to remember that as I go through the next few months of pregnancy and endless Dr. appointments. Oh, and Lord, if you could try to control my hormones a little more, I would greatly appreciate it! In Jesus name I pray, Amen
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Life as it is for emotional me
As hard as it may be for me to admit, I am currently battling with my depression. I hate to admit it but I know I have to. I have had boughts of depression for years but this time I feel so alone. I know I am not alone and yet here I sit, as lonely as can be.
I have my children here and they are amazing, I am extremely thankful for them and blessed to have them in my life. But, they are kids, they don't understand, I can't let them know how bad I am hurting inside. That wouldn't be fair to them.
I have my husband of 11 years. I thank God everyday for him but where is he? He is at work, of course he is, he is always gone. I am greatful that he is such a hard worker but I yearn for his attention. I want ALL of his attention - not the in between phone calls, during commercials, call to ask if I've paid a bill attention that I regularly get. I want REAL attention, the kind I used to get, before marriage, before kids, before life happened. I want the husband who would actually help around the house a little and not expect me to do everything myself.
I have my friends, well kind of. I have friends but lately, everyone seems so distant. I am told I can rely on them but when I NEED a sitter, I ask and ask and nobody is available to to help. This isn't everytime but lately, I have had a lot of Dr. appointments and had to rely on others to help with my little guy and the help isn't available. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to drop everything to watch Levi and some of my friends I won't even ask because they have infants. I am just scared that I am going to end up on bedrest or have a c-section and have no one there. Sure, they will drop off food but how am I going to take care of the kids and Norvin and keep it all together?
I am probably sounding overly dramatic but this pregnancy has me out of my mind! My placenta is lying extremely low so I am on "pelvic rest" which according to my friend that is a OB Nurse Practitioner/Midwife basically means glorified bedrest. No sex, or sexual stimulation at all, no lifting, no exercise, and should be laying down keeping stress off of my pelvis as much as possible. Did I mention I have a 18 month old - that doesn't walk!?!!? I have heart palpataions at least 10 times a day which I was monitored for and told it is nothing to stress over but Oh My Goodness is it Annoying! The other thing that both my Dr and I worry about is the fact that I have an auto immune disease which causes its own problems for me outside of pregnancy. I am tired of feeling ugly because of the gross patches of skin and terrible dandruff that I can't control! I am also tired of crying in pain when my 1 year old bumps my fingers or my husband accidentally kicks my toes in bed. I am so in love with the baby boy in my belly but I am also afraid of how my body is going to respond once he gets here. Not to mention the fact that Norvin rarely helps me with children under the age of 1. How am I going to do this?
Sorry for the ranting but I really needed to get it off my chest. I am going to pray, maybe that will help.
I have my children here and they are amazing, I am extremely thankful for them and blessed to have them in my life. But, they are kids, they don't understand, I can't let them know how bad I am hurting inside. That wouldn't be fair to them.
I have my husband of 11 years. I thank God everyday for him but where is he? He is at work, of course he is, he is always gone. I am greatful that he is such a hard worker but I yearn for his attention. I want ALL of his attention - not the in between phone calls, during commercials, call to ask if I've paid a bill attention that I regularly get. I want REAL attention, the kind I used to get, before marriage, before kids, before life happened. I want the husband who would actually help around the house a little and not expect me to do everything myself.
I have my friends, well kind of. I have friends but lately, everyone seems so distant. I am told I can rely on them but when I NEED a sitter, I ask and ask and nobody is available to to help. This isn't everytime but lately, I have had a lot of Dr. appointments and had to rely on others to help with my little guy and the help isn't available. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to drop everything to watch Levi and some of my friends I won't even ask because they have infants. I am just scared that I am going to end up on bedrest or have a c-section and have no one there. Sure, they will drop off food but how am I going to take care of the kids and Norvin and keep it all together?
I am probably sounding overly dramatic but this pregnancy has me out of my mind! My placenta is lying extremely low so I am on "pelvic rest" which according to my friend that is a OB Nurse Practitioner/Midwife basically means glorified bedrest. No sex, or sexual stimulation at all, no lifting, no exercise, and should be laying down keeping stress off of my pelvis as much as possible. Did I mention I have a 18 month old - that doesn't walk!?!!? I have heart palpataions at least 10 times a day which I was monitored for and told it is nothing to stress over but Oh My Goodness is it Annoying! The other thing that both my Dr and I worry about is the fact that I have an auto immune disease which causes its own problems for me outside of pregnancy. I am tired of feeling ugly because of the gross patches of skin and terrible dandruff that I can't control! I am also tired of crying in pain when my 1 year old bumps my fingers or my husband accidentally kicks my toes in bed. I am so in love with the baby boy in my belly but I am also afraid of how my body is going to respond once he gets here. Not to mention the fact that Norvin rarely helps me with children under the age of 1. How am I going to do this?
Sorry for the ranting but I really needed to get it off my chest. I am going to pray, maybe that will help.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Where have I been?
Okay, so I realize that it has been WAY TOO LONG since I have blogged on here and I know it is something that I need to do.
So, where have I been?
I have been living through the first twelve nausiating weeks of pregnancy. This for me has been kind of crazy. This is my fourth child. I have always wanted four children so this is not a problem. The problem for me is that this pregnancy wasn't planned by me. Obviously, this is God's plan, and I am okay with that, now. For the first month or so, I was definetly in denial. I knew within just days that I was pregnant but had to wait for my missed period to be sure and even then, I was still in denial. I was throwing up and still in denial. I had a positive test (very light but positive no less) and I was still in denial.
The main reason I think I was having such a hard time digesting this very exciting news was simply that our house isn't finished. We have only two finished bedrooms in our home, I already have three kids... The girls share a room and the little guy (15 months) sleeps in a playpen in our room. I keep saying that we need to give him a bed in the girls' room but it hasn't actually happened. I really need to make this happen and soon. I don't want him to feel like the baby (when he or she comes) is taking his bed.
There are plans underway to finish our upstairs and make a couple more bedrooms up there but it all takes time and money. Neither of these are extremely plentiful for us right now. Most likely, this will happen next summer, until then, we will live. I know that there are plenty of families that have much less then we do and they live happily together, thanking God for what they do have. So for know, I need to focus on just that, Thanking God for ALL of our blessings.
Lord, Thank you for my husband who works so hard that I am able to stay home with our beauftiful children. Thank you for the three children that I hold everyday and for the baby growning in my belly. Thank you for our home that protects us from this terrible heat. Thank you for our land and the crops that grow on it. Thank you for our animals and the happiness they provide. Thank you for our extended family and friends, church family and a wonderful place to worship. And thank you most of all for sending your Son Jesus. In his name I pray. Amen
So, where have I been?
I have been living through the first twelve nausiating weeks of pregnancy. This for me has been kind of crazy. This is my fourth child. I have always wanted four children so this is not a problem. The problem for me is that this pregnancy wasn't planned by me. Obviously, this is God's plan, and I am okay with that, now. For the first month or so, I was definetly in denial. I knew within just days that I was pregnant but had to wait for my missed period to be sure and even then, I was still in denial. I was throwing up and still in denial. I had a positive test (very light but positive no less) and I was still in denial.
The main reason I think I was having such a hard time digesting this very exciting news was simply that our house isn't finished. We have only two finished bedrooms in our home, I already have three kids... The girls share a room and the little guy (15 months) sleeps in a playpen in our room. I keep saying that we need to give him a bed in the girls' room but it hasn't actually happened. I really need to make this happen and soon. I don't want him to feel like the baby (when he or she comes) is taking his bed.
There are plans underway to finish our upstairs and make a couple more bedrooms up there but it all takes time and money. Neither of these are extremely plentiful for us right now. Most likely, this will happen next summer, until then, we will live. I know that there are plenty of families that have much less then we do and they live happily together, thanking God for what they do have. So for know, I need to focus on just that, Thanking God for ALL of our blessings.
Lord, Thank you for my husband who works so hard that I am able to stay home with our beauftiful children. Thank you for the three children that I hold everyday and for the baby growning in my belly. Thank you for our home that protects us from this terrible heat. Thank you for our land and the crops that grow on it. Thank you for our animals and the happiness they provide. Thank you for our extended family and friends, church family and a wonderful place to worship. And thank you most of all for sending your Son Jesus. In his name I pray. Amen
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sorry!
All right, so, I made a plan at the begining of the year to actually blog weekly and I obviously have not done that. I am now motivated to get back to it. My life has not been all that interesting the last few months anyway.
I did go visit my sister and her family, thanks to my friend Holly. That is one thing I can check off my list from the beginning of the year.
We also have a much larger bank account thanks to a nice bonus that my husband earned at work.
I have been spending extra alone time with my husband also thanks to his work. So far this year, they have sent us to a hotel in Bloomington overnight and on a weekend getaway to Iowa where we took in a Larry the Cable Guy show. It is so great to be able to have that time reconnecting with my husband simply as Norvin and Leslii, not neccesarily as "Mom and Dad". I love my husband!
I have not been perfect about calling my Grandma. I have called a few times and what is even better is that I have made sure that each time I have been in town, I have made sure to stop in and see her. As a matter of fact, we went to see her last night. We did have to cut the visit short though, it was Bingo night! :o)
Although to look at my house, you can't hardly see it, I have been purging. Last week I took 7 bags of clothes to be donated. I need to get rid of even more junk though. I have made a plan with a good frined of mine to start watching Levi one day every other week so that I can get things done with out interupttions. With it getting nice outside, I have lots of projects inside and out that need to get done!
Well, that is my blog for this week. Hopefully I will get back on here again soon.
I did go visit my sister and her family, thanks to my friend Holly. That is one thing I can check off my list from the beginning of the year.
We also have a much larger bank account thanks to a nice bonus that my husband earned at work.
I have been spending extra alone time with my husband also thanks to his work. So far this year, they have sent us to a hotel in Bloomington overnight and on a weekend getaway to Iowa where we took in a Larry the Cable Guy show. It is so great to be able to have that time reconnecting with my husband simply as Norvin and Leslii, not neccesarily as "Mom and Dad". I love my husband!
I have not been perfect about calling my Grandma. I have called a few times and what is even better is that I have made sure that each time I have been in town, I have made sure to stop in and see her. As a matter of fact, we went to see her last night. We did have to cut the visit short though, it was Bingo night! :o)
Although to look at my house, you can't hardly see it, I have been purging. Last week I took 7 bags of clothes to be donated. I need to get rid of even more junk though. I have made a plan with a good frined of mine to start watching Levi one day every other week so that I can get things done with out interupttions. With it getting nice outside, I have lots of projects inside and out that need to get done!
Well, that is my blog for this week. Hopefully I will get back on here again soon.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Challenge Update
We did have pizza Friday night. I had sauce but I did have to buy some crust mix. I also bought eggs that day for a total of about $3.50.
Saturday - Breakfast - Cereal
Lunch - Chicken Patties
Supper - I had supper at a friend's house as it was our monthly Bunco night
Norvin - frozen burritos
Alyson and Micaiah - Leftovers
Sunday - Breakfast - Bacon, eggs, and toast
Lunch - Cheeseburgers, Tater Tots, Tomatoes, and Cottage Cheese
Supper- we usually have popcorn but tonight we had ice cream sundaes with Strawberries that I had
froze last Summer
I did buy a 2 liter of Pepsi on Saturday or $1.25 because I am a Pepsi addict.
That brings the grocery total for the week to approximately $5.00
So far, so good!
Saturday - Breakfast - Cereal
Lunch - Chicken Patties
Supper - I had supper at a friend's house as it was our monthly Bunco night
Norvin - frozen burritos
Alyson and Micaiah - Leftovers
Sunday - Breakfast - Bacon, eggs, and toast
Lunch - Cheeseburgers, Tater Tots, Tomatoes, and Cottage Cheese
Supper- we usually have popcorn but tonight we had ice cream sundaes with Strawberries that I had
froze last Summer
I did buy a 2 liter of Pepsi on Saturday or $1.25 because I am a Pepsi addict.
That brings the grocery total for the week to approximately $5.00
So far, so good!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Freezer/Pantry Challenge
Recently, I was looking through my friends' blogs and came across one that has inspired me. My friend Christine, aka "The Menu Mom" (http://www.themenumom.com/) is challenging her followers to live out of their freezers and pantrys for the entire month of January. The goal of course is to come up with meals without buying a lot of extra groceries and therefor, saving money. I didn't actually read about it until this past weekend but I jumped right in. So far this week, the only money spent at the grocery store has been for a gallon of milk. A grand total of about $4.00.
I tend to keep a fairly well stocked pantry and my freezers are generally full as well. You also have to keep in mind that we raise cattle and buy a whole pig every year from our neighbor. This shouldn't be hard, I just have to follow through. I will try to recall what I have made so far this week.
Sunday - we went to my sister-in-law's house for lunch to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. I had given her a 20lb ham to cook for the occasion so she sent some of the leftover ham with us. Sunday night we had popcorn and ice cream, our usual.
Monday - Lunch -the kids were home for Martin Luther King's birthday -we went to my Aunt's
house and she cooked us Swiss Steak. Yummy!
Supper - Tacos
Tuesday - Lunch - leftover ham and a yogurt
Supper - Cheesy Potato Soup and I added the leftover ham to it
Wednesday - Lunch - leftover soup
Supper - pot roast with carrots and potatoes
Thursday - the girls were home from school due to ice
Lunch - leftover soup again
Supper - Mexican Chicken Casserole
Today I plan to have leftover pot roast for lunch, and I'm thinking homemade pizza for supper. I know I have crust, sausage, and cheese. I'll have to see if I have any sauce.
I also made a meal for my friend who recently had a baby which consisted of a homemade Chicken Pot Pie and Chocolate Chip Cookies.
I know I can do this I just have to keep it up so I have asked one of my friends to hold me accountable not only to not spending money on food but also to not buying anything that isn't Needed.
I'll let you know how it goes!
I tend to keep a fairly well stocked pantry and my freezers are generally full as well. You also have to keep in mind that we raise cattle and buy a whole pig every year from our neighbor. This shouldn't be hard, I just have to follow through. I will try to recall what I have made so far this week.
Sunday - we went to my sister-in-law's house for lunch to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday. I had given her a 20lb ham to cook for the occasion so she sent some of the leftover ham with us. Sunday night we had popcorn and ice cream, our usual.
Monday - Lunch -the kids were home for Martin Luther King's birthday -we went to my Aunt's
house and she cooked us Swiss Steak. Yummy!
Supper - Tacos
Tuesday - Lunch - leftover ham and a yogurt
Supper - Cheesy Potato Soup and I added the leftover ham to it
Wednesday - Lunch - leftover soup
Supper - pot roast with carrots and potatoes
Thursday - the girls were home from school due to ice
Lunch - leftover soup again
Supper - Mexican Chicken Casserole
Today I plan to have leftover pot roast for lunch, and I'm thinking homemade pizza for supper. I know I have crust, sausage, and cheese. I'll have to see if I have any sauce.
I also made a meal for my friend who recently had a baby which consisted of a homemade Chicken Pot Pie and Chocolate Chip Cookies.
I know I can do this I just have to keep it up so I have asked one of my friends to hold me accountable not only to not spending money on food but also to not buying anything that isn't Needed.
I'll let you know how it goes!
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